“Don’t you remember my cheer? ‘B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Be Aggressive! HEY!’ (In person, I do the entire cheer with full arm flails and perverted leaps to make my point, but on the phone I just yelled.)
“Yea, I know it, but I’m NOT aggressive and now all I hear is that stupid cheer in my head during interviews and it’s distracting!” he quipped back.
“Well, you need to learn to be more aggressive, damnit! You’re out there acting like a puss! You’re not selling yourself! You’re not telling these people what they want to hear and you’re sure as hell not closing the deal!” I was being my normal, tactful self.
“Then teach me."
He stopped my rant dead.
What seemed obvious and easy to me wasn’t to him so I started rattling off things he could do and say. He thought my suggestions were brilliant. “They’re not brilliant, they’re simple!” I hollered. We were laughing, but I was sincerely frustrated. He’s smart – brilliant, actually – and I couldn’t understand why these ideas or strategies didn’t pop into his own head. “These things just come naturally to you, Tracy. Face it. Not everyone has these skills.”
We started talking about the STRATEGIES I create for myself and HOW I PRACTICE THEM. It was all somehow enlightening to him. I said I’d happily help him, but that he’d need to practice and believe in himself and his abilities and that he must adopt these principals as his own; they would have to become second nature. I told him it would feel like he was bullshitting everyone at first, and it would make him extremely UNCOMFORTABLE, but that what he was saying would be TRUE. He needed to learn to BRAG about himself in a HUMBLE way and then he needed to CLOSE THE DEAL. He was still uncertain about his ability to do this, but I promised I would show him how.
Somewhere in the middle of this passionate conversation it dawned on me that I’ve spent literally hundreds of hours on the phone and in-person with friends and colleagues saying the same damned thing! They come to me for advice because they’ve seen me get the jobs I want, stand up for myself, say what I need, verbalize what will work for me, and what won’t. Frankly, it makes me insane that these talented, bright individuals aren’t getting what they want, need or deserve, but it’s because they’re flopping around in their SELF-IMPOSED SEA OF POWERLESSNESS AND FRUSTRATION. They don’t trust their worth, their voice, their power, their credibility, their passion, and their abilities. These friends and co-workers are perpetually aggravated with their situations and for some reason they like the way I do things and accomplish my goals.
So, with this said, here’s the bottom line: You’re whining and complaining and acting like a VICTIM and it’s all you’re fault; You’re out there being too sweet, too likeable, too passive, and too accommodating while others are walking all over you and getting what they want. They’re pulling off the #1 spot, the money, the respect, the titles, and whatever it is you think you should have. You must find your POWER because with it comes RESPECT. When you’re too sweet, too likeable, too passive and too accommodating you’re not RESPECTED, you’re appreciated for sitting quietly in the background. No one has to deal with you ever asking for anything. You’ll just continue to be taken advantage of and you’ll never complain. You’re a dream come true for the people at the top.
You need to learn to B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E to get what you want, need and deserve. And guess what? You don’t ever have to be a JERK to do it!
You’ll even be LIKED and I guarantee you’ll be RESPECTED!
Ok, ‘nuff said. You can tell by the caps, exclamation points and choppy sentences that I’m getting all fired up again! Let’s go…..NO WHINING!
