Be a Peer, Not a Peon

This is one of the phrases I find myself tossing about lately – in fact, I’ve said it to three different people in the past 24-hours (all of whom are struggling with work issues) -- which leads me to believe that many more of you are also walking through your world behaving like you’re a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, insignificant being in this vast business culture of big, scary people who rule your life. Puh-leeez. Get it together. And if you can’t get it together, then go back to the bullshitting area of The Reluctant Genius and pretend you have it together, because when you begin to act like a PEER instead of a PEON, you will get respect and respect is how you move forward in business. A peer is someone who is equal to you as you are to them. There is camaraderie with peers; with peons, there is only power. (Go ahead, quote me on that one. It’s smooth.)

I believe this “self-peonization” – a term I just coined to sound as though I’m an expert in peonical culture – yet another piece of personal coinage – originated at some point during our respective tortured childhoods. If you don’t believe you were tortured at some point as a child, then you’re already a master of bullshitting and I congratulate you. If you’re exuding peonic behavior, then there is a 100%* chance someone screwed you up while your brain was still developing and you need to upgrade your peon alert to orange. (*Made up statistic)

In my graduate work, I’m studying the roles of the oppressor and the oppressed in our society; I think it’s fairly obvious to say that one cannot exist without the other, right? A queen is only a queen in relation to those she rules – otherwise there’s no queen at all. A pauper is only a pauper in relation to one who has riches – or perhaps, in their case, goats. The same goes for you. Because you don’t have goats, doesn’t mean you suck and are “less than” someone who has goats. The problem is that you perceive those who have goats (your boss, co-workers) to be better than you and you then bestow them with the ultimate gift – POWER. And when you do this, you screw the proverbial pooch*. That is to say, you set the stage to be treated as though you are not worthy. You are getting what you’re giving off. (*Apologies for mixing goat and poodle metaphors.)

When you are a peer, you walk into a room with shoulders back, you make eye contact, and you exude a confident tone that says we’re equals – you’re human and I am, too. If you’re sheepish (not to be confused with the aforementioned goats), you give off pheromones* that make their way right into the brain of your soon-to-be-oppressor who now has you pegged as a wuss. He or she has seen your weakness and that’s difficult to undo. (*Made up scientific fact)

Someone hires you because they want to trust in your strengths to get work done. Your job is to make their job easier. When you show confidence, they naturally develop a confident attitude toward you. When you look frightened, intimidated, or exhibit a clear lack of confidence, you scare the hell out of them and down you go.

NONE of this is to say you should go and slap your boss on the back and exclaim that you’re now comrades and best buddies. No. Please don’t do that – you’ll look like a jackass. Being a peer is about mutual respect and the notion of equality. No one is any better than the other, you’re just two people who want the same thing – to get the job done in the best way possible. Sure, we might be talking about your boss who can make decisions that you can’t -- she can hire you and fire you and make your life a living hell -- but you’re still human beings on this planet and I believe there is equality that can and must co-exist within the framework of your office. Damnit.

It’s all about RESPECTING without GENUFLECTING! No bowing down to ANYONE!*

*unless they have a shitload of goats.