Veni, Vidi, Vomiti

You’re sick to death of it. I get it. Your pain-in-the-ass boss and your whiny-ass co-workers make you want to hurl. And if you’re NOT working, the slew of crackheads who hold the keys to getting your next paycheck, produce an endless eruption of bile. Yup. I do get it, but it’s time to stop feeling sick and instead learn how to TELL people exactly what you want from them. This act of self-expression will help you become more of a peer and less of a peon and will strengthen your position wherever you are, I swear. You just have to use your brain and know when and how to cough up your truth.

Saying what you need is really not as hard as you’ve built it up to be. We tend to be so insecure in our jobs and with the people around us that we become paranoid people-pleasers and second-guess every move we make. I know just reading this spikes your heart rate – I can hear you now:

“But I’ll sound like a bitch (or a dick) if I say what I want!”

No you won’t. You’ll sound like a person who has an ounce of confidence. You’ll sound like someone who has a brain and shows initiative. What a travesty that would be.

Imagine this: Instead of following up on an interview by passively saying, “I just wanted to call and check in to see if you’ve made your decision yet,” buck up and say, “I just wanted to call to let you know I’ve been thinking about this position and I REALLY WANT IT. What will it take for me to get this job?” [Ooooooh….scary! You might actually sound, dare I say, enthusiastic!]

Instead of fuming inside when your boss loads more and more work on you, and then pouring your pent up venom on your colleagues, respond to your boss by saying, “No problem, but can you help prioritize these tasks so I understand what’s most important to you? I might need another person to help me get this done on time.” [Ooooooh….you sound like you’re not perfect! Welcome to the party! Have a beer.]

Saying what you need and expressing how you feel doesn’t mean you walk into your boss’s office to tell him he’s a turd and that you need a raise, it means thinking through your situations and choosing your words and timing wisely. If you’re shot down whenever you express yourself, start planning your exit strategy. If you think you want to vomit now, give yourself another two years with that punitive power-monger.

By now it should go without saying that these rules ONLY apply if you’re a stellar employee—if you’re NOT a terrific worker then forget I said any of this. There’s nothing worse than a crappy employee who has needs—the only need I have with a crappy employee is that they get the hell out of my office.