OK, NOW THAT'S JUST RUDE!

I thought this was a new phenomenon, the idea that executive producers, managers and/or those in charge of hiring and making deals were becoming more and more RUDE in their handling of those poor souls who are looking for work, but apparently I’m wrong. I just read in the new LA Magazine a story about Orson Welles, written by his friend, Henry Jaglom. I’ll summarize: (Orson, for those of you who are too young to know, was a kinda famous director who did an itty-bitty film called “Citizen Kane.”) Anyway, the author, his friend, wrote about a meeting they had had with an Oscar winning producer who, after Orson pitched him a film, said the following: “You’ve got yourself a deal. I’ll have the paperwork arranged by next week!” While the friend wanted to celebrate with a bottle of Cristal, Orson refused saying only, “If you knew how many ‘next weeks’ there have been over the last 20 years…” Bottom line: The producer NEVER called him back and NEVER took his calls. Un-effin-believable! That was freaking ORSON WELLES POST CITIZEN KANE!

So, this rudeness isn’t new, it’s just degenerating more and more into an accepted industry standard. In fact, I believe the Learning Annex has a new class for seasoned professionals...

Here's the description:
“How to Act Like You Want to Hire Someone and Then Play Dead.”
• Are you SICK of all of those people wanting that job you advertised for?
• Are you TIRED of all those courteous, well-thought-out emails thanking you for your consideration?
• Are you FED UP with offering people jobs and then having them follow-up with you?

We are too! In this seminar, Pat McFartface, President of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe Productions will give you clear and clinically proven steps to increasing your RUDABILITY status! You’ll find out why it’s perfectly acceptable to have a two-hour meeting with a super-qualified job applicant, negotiate rates, give them a start date and then NEVER, EVER call them again! Plus, Mr. McFartface will demonstrate, with actual telephone apparatus, more than a dozen unique ways to tell your assistant to “Take a message!” If you act now, you’ll receive Sherry Lansing’s “Kiss My Ass” booklet featuring 17 new ways to behave like a high-powered, overly paid schmuck!

Now, in the interest of self-disclosure, and personal humiliation, I have been one of these schmucks. I have interviewed and liked someone and never called him back. I have said, “take a message” a thousand times. I have put out “word” that I’m looking for a producer, been besieged by resumes, and then never responded to anyone. I hereby repent and ask that all of the other schmucks take a moment to do something nice today. Like, take a call.

I know there are a lot of you out there dealing with this issue—you’ve done due diligence, you’ve sent in your credits, you’ve followed up, you’ve heard nothing. Some of you have been offered work or a deal and have now been hit with a wall of silence; you call, nothing; you write, no response. It’s maddening and shakes your confidence.

I’m going to offer a little explanation in support of the FIRST TIER OF OFFENDERS -- those are the people who are soliciting resumes for a job opening. Please understand that the second they say they have an opening, they receive literally HUNDREDS of resumes and calls and there’s NO WAY they can get back to you EVEN if you were recommended by a friend. Just get over that right now. Having a friend recommend you is the BEST thing you can do, but don’t expect that you’re the ONLY person who was recommended by a friend, and you’re not owed anything. LET THAT GO!

TIER 2: You’ve had a nice interview, but there was no sign about their interest. You’ve sent a nice HANDWRITTEN CARD, yes, that's what I said, through the U.S. Postal Service with a bonafide special edition postage stamp. It’s time to call and say you’re checking in on the position. Call or email no more than 3x in two weeks and then LET IT GO. You had an interview, you thanked them, you followed up, be done or they’ll put a restraining order on you.

TIER 3: This sucks big time. You’ve been offered a job, or were clearly told they’re very interested in you. You’ve now hit a brick wall.

There are a few things you can do for Tier 3 depending on your situation:
1. You can write a “closure” email saying that, despite your best attempts, you have not heard back in a few weeks about the job you were being considered for and that you assume it’s no longer available. You wanted them to know you’d be moving on, but that if something were to change to please give you a call. You hope something might work out in the future. THEN LET IT GO.

2. You can call and talk to the assistant and say, “I’ve had a hard time reaching Dick Bawless and would like to schedule a phone meeting. Would you help me with that?

3. You can try comedy, if it suits your style. I might write something like, R U DEAD? But that’s just me and I’m not saying it works.

Regardless of your tier, there are a few things you should know to help keep your sanity:

1. It’s not just happening to you. I had a FRIEND say he wanted to hire me for a big gig and then never call me back. It’s been three years--honest to God.

2. You can’t make someone pick up the phone or email you back.

3. You can’t be so determined to get to the BOTTOM of why they didn’t pick you, call you back, or otherwise respond when things seemed to be “going so well.” You’ll go insane because you’ll probably never know.

4. Let go and move on for your own sanity. There are plenty more schmucks out there to send your resume to.

P.S. Pat McFartface isn't hiring right now.

P.P.S. I had a dream about Orson Welles after I read that article. We were college roommates and he stiffed me for a very expensive dinner. What’s that about?

Be a Peer, Not a Peon

This is one of the phrases I find myself tossing about lately – in fact, I’ve said it to three different people in the past 24-hours (all of whom are struggling with work issues) -- which leads me to believe that many more of you are also walking through your world behaving like you’re a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, insignificant being in this vast business culture of big, scary people who rule your life. Puh-leeez. Get it together. And if you can’t get it together, then go back to the bullshitting area of The Reluctant Genius and pretend you have it together, because when you begin to act like a PEER instead of a PEON, you will get respect and respect is how you move forward in business. A peer is someone who is equal to you as you are to them. There is camaraderie with peers; with peons, there is only power. (Go ahead, quote me on that one. It’s smooth.)

I believe this “self-peonization” – a term I just coined to sound as though I’m an expert in peonical culture – yet another piece of personal coinage – originated at some point during our respective tortured childhoods. If you don’t believe you were tortured at some point as a child, then you’re already a master of bullshitting and I congratulate you. If you’re exuding peonic behavior, then there is a 100%* chance someone screwed you up while your brain was still developing and you need to upgrade your peon alert to orange. (*Made up statistic)

In my graduate work, I’m studying the roles of the oppressor and the oppressed in our society; I think it’s fairly obvious to say that one cannot exist without the other, right? A queen is only a queen in relation to those she rules – otherwise there’s no queen at all. A pauper is only a pauper in relation to one who has riches – or perhaps, in their case, goats. The same goes for you. Because you don’t have goats, doesn’t mean you suck and are “less than” someone who has goats. The problem is that you perceive those who have goats (your boss, co-workers) to be better than you and you then bestow them with the ultimate gift – POWER. And when you do this, you screw the proverbial pooch*. That is to say, you set the stage to be treated as though you are not worthy. You are getting what you’re giving off. (*Apologies for mixing goat and poodle metaphors.)

When you are a peer, you walk into a room with shoulders back, you make eye contact, and you exude a confident tone that says we’re equals – you’re human and I am, too. If you’re sheepish (not to be confused with the aforementioned goats), you give off pheromones* that make their way right into the brain of your soon-to-be-oppressor who now has you pegged as a wuss. He or she has seen your weakness and that’s difficult to undo. (*Made up scientific fact)

Someone hires you because they want to trust in your strengths to get work done. Your job is to make their job easier. When you show confidence, they naturally develop a confident attitude toward you. When you look frightened, intimidated, or exhibit a clear lack of confidence, you scare the hell out of them and down you go.

NONE of this is to say you should go and slap your boss on the back and exclaim that you’re now comrades and best buddies. No. Please don’t do that – you’ll look like a jackass. Being a peer is about mutual respect and the notion of equality. No one is any better than the other, you’re just two people who want the same thing – to get the job done in the best way possible. Sure, we might be talking about your boss who can make decisions that you can’t -- she can hire you and fire you and make your life a living hell -- but you’re still human beings on this planet and I believe there is equality that can and must co-exist within the framework of your office. Damnit.

It’s all about RESPECTING without GENUFLECTING! No bowing down to ANYONE!*

*unless they have a shitload of goats.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH & MAKE MORE $$$$

It’s often said that money is the root of all evil. Well, money is also the root of all motivation, all mortgages and all quality sushi. So if you want any of that, you need money. Probably more than you have now. But, I think it’s safe to say you’d rather donate your kidney to your boss than ask her for more money.

There’s good news, though, for you Reluctant Geniuses! You get to keep your kidney and get more money! Hooray!

Now before I go any further, I need to make sure that the appropriate audience is reading this particular article: If you were born after 1981, I ask that you please stop reading this and refer to the entry titled, “Born After 1981, Read This Now!” (Just weeding out the entitled.) Onward, for the rest of you….

The greatest lesson I ever learned in college -- besides don’t fall asleep in class and fart loud enough to wake yourself up -- was from a professor who was teaching about the art of selling and closing the deal. When you’re asking for money, that’s exactly what you’re doing -- you’re selling yourself and then you’re closing your own deal. He taught us, through rigorous role-playing, that when you want something, you ask for it then YOU SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH. While he said it with more tact than I do, trust that you need to shut your mouth. The adage goes that after asking for what you want, “the next person who speaks loses.” You can apply this to many things, but right now let’s just focus on getting you more money.

As I write, I realize I’m going to have to expand this across several articles because there are too many scenarios to cover at once. Right now I’m only going to discuss when money comes up during an interview, but obviously you can apply these principles anywhere. I’ll follow up with more on how to handle the actual negotiation at job-acceptance time and then how to ask for more money once your firmly entrenched in your job.

WHEN THE SUBJECT OF MONEY COMES UP DURING YOUR INTERVIEW...

Ever had one of those paralyzing moments when the interviewer bluntly says,

“So, Danny, how much were you making at your last job?”

I know that moment well because, as a boss, I DO IT TO YOU every chance I get. It’s a trick I use to disarm you and it works EVERY TIME. You’re so vulnerable that you’ll tell me how much you were making on your last job – even if you were getting crap money – because I’m intimidating and you think you have to tell me, or risk seeming impertinent. And then when you say how much you made, I’m happy because I’m now in complete control of any potential negotiation that might come up.

But, take note, YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME. Stay with me here and you’ll see what happens….

If I’m the boss, I have a budget. Say I have $1,000 per week in this budget to pay for this position. (In TV we work in weeks, not years, because none of us ever get “yearly” salaries. And besides most TV people suck in math, so this is more manageable for our little brains.)

So, I’ve blindsided you and asked you what you were making at your last job. You panicked and blurted out $750 per week. Can you see how you’ve already screwed yourself? Think about it. I now know that I would probably only need to offer you $850/week to give you a substantial raise from your last job. You’d be thrilled and I’d save money in my budget! I can now give that money to SOMEONE ELSE who has better negotiating skills than you do! Ha. Ha. You haven’t given yourself the room to negotiate on YOUR TERMS and the damage is done.

There are several different ways to answer my direct question while not giving anything away and not appearing rude. The key is: You must DEFLECT and THEN SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH.

Here’s what I mean: You’re interviewing with me and I’ve just shot that question at you. Here’s one great way for you to answer:

“Well, Tracy, my last job was unique. I wanted an opportunity to work with my mentor, so I took a bit less money than I would elsewhere. Can you give me an idea, though, of what you’re looking to pay for this position? And then I’ll have an idea if we’re in the same range.”

THIS IS WHERE YOU SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH. SAY NOTHING MORE.

Your babble instinct is going to kick in. DON’T BABBLE. SHUT UP. Simply smile and look at me. It will be awkward. It will be interminable. The sound of the second hand on your watch will be deafening. TICK TICK TICK TICK. Everything will move in slow motion. BUT NO MATTER WHAT, KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUTH SHUT. The next person who speaks loses. Watch.

Now I’M SCREWED. You answered my question without giving me any information and you’ve politely fired a question back at me. I owe you an answer. My next tactic would be to casually toss out a number and read your face. I would probably come back and say,

“Well, we’re looking to pay this associate around $850/week.”

I’m leaving myself a $150/week window so that if I’m in love with you (figuratively speaking), I can appear to give you more and more money to get you. I need negotiating room. Your face will tell me if I’m way off the mark or if you’re happy with where I’m going.

You would then tell me that YES, we’re absolutely in the same range and you’re sure we could work out something if I decided to hire you. Smiles abound.

You now know that if I offer you the job, you stand to make AT LEAST $850/week, but I said “around,” so it’s probably even more. Get it? You’re on top! All because you knew how to answer that awkward question and then YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Congratulations.

One rule of engagement: Never ever, ever, ever, ever lie about how much money you made.

It’s too easy for me to find out and, if you lied, you’ll never work for me or anyone I know -- and we all know lots of people no matter what industry we’re in. Besides, if I do find out that you made $750/week, you’ve already told me WHY you were willing to work for that salary. No harm, no foul. You’ve handled it all very well.

As I said earlier, I’ll have more on this topic for different situations soon. In the meantime, I think you can see why that professor’s message has stuck with me all these years.

Suffice it to say, I learned the two most valuable life lessons in that sales class at the University of Kansas:

1. State what you want and then shut your mouth.

2. Never fall asleep in public.

You gotta love state school.

DODGING ALL CURVE BALLS!

Whether you’re going in for a pitch meeting, an interview, or any situation where you’ll be faced with a decision maker who can seal your fate, you have to be on your toes. You can’t just wing it. When you’re presenting yourself or an idea to this person, you’re vulnerable. You can get creamed, at any time, by a comment or question that you can’t answer. But, Reluctant Genius, you don’t have to be open to attack. You can protect yourself IN ALL SITUATIONS. Check this out.

Whenever you go into a meeting or an interview, you must ANTICIPATE one thing: What is the CURVE BALL, or objection, a decision maker could lob at you that would freak you out and throw you off -- perhaps ending your pitch or presentation?

Prior to this meeting, your job is to consider any and ALL curve balls that could be shot at you at any time. Once you’ve identified them, you must teach yourself HOW to address each one calmly and effectively. You will make it APPEAR as though you’re just overcoming their objection on the spot – casually – when, in fact, you’re a well-oiled, well-rehearsed machine. Only then will you have a chance of getting what you want from these objection craving fiends!

Here are a coupla quick examples of CURVE BALLS:
CURVE BALL #1
You’re looking to score points with the president of your company and you’re presenting your immediate supervisor with a fabulous new team-building plan you’d like to see implemented in the office. She replies in a condescending tone, “It’s great that you’re trying to look at the big picture, but I’d rather you do your assigned job rather than spend your time dreaming up these pie in the sky ideas.”

CURVE BALL #2 – (entirely different scenario)
You’re interviewing for the job of your dreams. During the meeting, your interviewer immediately shuts down the conversation by saying, “Your resume is interesting, but you don’t have the right experience for this job. Thank you, though, for coming in.”

If you were faced with either of these CURVE BALLS, I think most of you would be so caught off guard that your heart rate would spike, and you’d be paralyzed with fear. Some of you would react in anger – you’d be so pissed that your face would flush and you’d engage in some sort of useless ego banter or respond so defensively as to render you completely screwed. I want you to be someone who knows EXACTLY what to say because you’ve already imagined being faced with this particular curve ball. You’re the smart one who keeps control of the situation and stands a good chance of success despite this roadblock.

If you’re thinking, “I can’t know what someone’s going to say when they hear my ideas or read my resume!” Please stop it. Of course you can! Use your brain and put yourself in their shoes. ANTICIPATE EVERYTHING THEY COULD SAY and ROLE PLAY it all out long before you walk in that door. This is the Reluctant Genius at his or her best!

Yes, it sounds dumb to role play out loud, and you’ll look equally idiotic when doing it, but tough shit. Trust me, you need to have many conversations OUT LOUD before you walk in to any room where you could get pummeled by a decision-maker.

(DO THIS EXERCISE ALONE. If you do it with a friend, you’ll be all squiggly and dumb and you need to really play these scenarios out.)

CURVE BALL #1
Here’s how my role play might go with the supervisor who is clearly threatened by my fabulous ideas. She’s probably paranoid that I’ll get her job. (Remember, I’m saying it out loud to myself, playing both parts.)

(Hear the KNOCK on the boss’s door)
TRACY: Hi Marion, I wondered if you had a minute to talk about a new team-building project I developed for the office? It’ll only take a few minutes for me to give you the thumbnail sketch.
MARION: Yea, What?, OK. (She’s clearly distracted and could care less.)
TRACY: I’ve been noticing there’s some friction between the creative department and accounting and I came up with this idea….
MARION: (Interrupts) I appreciate you’re looking at the big picture, Tracy, but the best idea, is to spend your time working on the Ding Dong Project you’ve been assigned and stop wasting your time coming up with these pie in the sky ideas.
TRACY: (Prepared for this type of curve ball) Oh, no worries! The Ding Dong project is coming along really well and I expect to be done several days before the deadline. And please trust that this extra work I’ve been doing has been during lunch. I’ve been eating at my desk so I could research these ideas so we could help bridge this gap between creative and accounting. I really care about the company as a whole. I know that President Schmucky is looking for some new ideas for the staff. (SMILING) May I share these ideas with you? I’d really like your input.”

What in the hell is she going to say? NO? She’s going to relent and listen. Because you’ve PRACTICED saying this, you are in complete control. You’re not caught off guard; she is. You came in prepared to be dismissed and even hear condescending objections, but you’ve kept your cool and have advanced your agenda. Brilliant!

If you’ve anticipated and role played EVERY objection you can think this woman might have, you’ll be so bloody confident when you're selling your ideas that she won’t be able to help but take notice. And then you can saunter out of her office smiling and whispering, way under your breath, “Bite me!” You’ll feel even better about your whole experience!

CURVE BALL #2
You’re interviewing for the job of your dreams. During the meeting, your interviewer immediately throws a dream-ending curve ball at you and says, “Your resume is nice, but you don’t have the right experience for this job. I’m really looking for a producer who’s had experience doing makeover shows. You don’t have any. I’m sorry.”

This type of "you don't have the right experience" is a big one that I’ve faced many times. I usually win because I’ve practiced (role played) being one step ahead of them. You’re going to hit this curve ball smack out of the park (Yay! A trusty sports metaphor for all of you dudes.)

Here is an example of what can be said in this situation:
(With a knowing smile on my face) “I knew you might think that, but in fact I have quite a bit of experience doing makeovers even though it may not look like it on my resume! Let me explain. When I was a producer on Lifestyles of the Poor & Shabby, I was responsible for making sure all of those I interviewed had teeth, proper clothing and makeup at the time of the interview. And you know, when you’re shooting in Arkansas that dental thing is no easy feat. Anyway, suffice it to say, I had my work cut out for me. Here’s what I did….(I would then go on to tell a specific story of how I managed to do the impossible in no time and have my toothless guests looking like a million bucks within an hour!)

You just have to tell them a story of something you’ve done – something you’ve really done – that satisfies their worry that you’re not “experienced” and couldn’t handle the brain-surgery-like detail that comes along with making over some crackhead who wants to be made over on TV. Get it? You must give them solid examples of work you’ve done, accolades you’ve received, experiences you've had so that her objection is overcome. BUT, you can’t pull this out of your ass the moment she lobs this comment at you. You'll stammer and stutter and get yourself all screwed up. YOU MUST THINK IT THROUGH AND ROLE PLAY IT BEFOREHAND!

(And, yes, I’ve had many a toothless guest in my day.)

OK. This next example is not for the weak of heart. I really had NO experience for this particular job. When I went in for this meeting/interview, to write cool stories for the Discovery Channel, I immediately laid it all out and said, “Listen, I know my resume doesn’t show that I have this type of experience, and I’m not going to lie to you. What I don’t have in experience, I have in enthusiasm and brains and I’m so confident that you’ll be happy with my work that I’ll do this project for FREE. (Swear to God, I said that.) If you like what I’ve done, I’ll accept payment after the project is approved. If not, no harm, no foul. What the hell are they going to say? No? Of course not. There's NO RISK!

It was, however, a gigantic risk for me for many obvious reasons. Honestly, I went home and cried for days staring at this project having NO CLUE how to get started let alone how to finish. I worked day and night. I cried more. Weeks later, I finished the project and…..they were ecstatic. After that, they hired me over and over again. I think they felt that if I was so bold (or stupid) to stand behind my work like that, I probably had some chops. They never knew about the tears. Until now. Oh, how embarrassing.

THE BOTTOM LINE: DODGE ALL CURVE BALLS BY ANTICIPATING AND ROLE PLAYING WHAT THE DECISION MAKER COULD SAY TO THROW YOU OFF OR OUT. YOU’LL WIN OVER AND OVER AGAIN. TRUST ME!

WHAT DO I MEAN BY BULLSHITTING?

It's important that I break down the word *bullshit* so you start to learn how to use it effectively. My use of this word does not imply that you should go into an interview or a situation and try to sell yourself to someone by lying about your strengths. Instead what you're going to do is pull out what you believe to be your core strengths and PUMP UP THEIR VOLUME! You're going to really push how freaking great you are at those particular things. That's when it becomes uncomfortable for most of us -- because pumping up the volume on something we do well means we've crossed that delicate line from humility to BRAGGING and BRAGGING is obnoxious, right? And if you're bragging, you're bordering on bullshitting because you can't possibly be really, really good at something, right? WRONG! Nine times out of ten, you're not giving yourself enough CREDIT! That's because you're a Reluctant Genius. You have it, you just don't sell it!

When you emphasize a personal strength, you’re making an IMPACT on the person you’re speaking to and that's what this is all about. IMPACT! IMPACT! IMPACT! Take the reluctant out of the genius.

I’m going to digress for a moment and relate this to television production to illustrate my point.

There is an important rule in producing reality TV shows that applies to these situations: Whenever I interview a cast member about what they experienced or are about to experience, I tell them that they must look at each situation (or story point) as being THE MOST exciting/upsetting/frustrating/nerve-wracking or THE WORST experience/situation/game/confrontation/discussion – meaning there is no middle of the road in TV. No average. Everything is really great or really dreadful.

Here’s an example from a reality show I produced for a major network. I’d love to say I made this up, but it’s based on a real show. Your job is to decide which response has greater IMPACT and is likely to make you want to watch the rest of the series?

A) “I wasn’t upset when my family voted me off the show and removed my name from my father’s $60 million will. We’ll all be fine tomorrow.”

B) “When my family voted me off the show and scratched my name off my father’s $60 million will, I was furious! I thought how can those bastards destroy my life! I’ll never speak to them again!”

Please tell me you picked B.

Ok. Now let’s look at this for the real world (and I don’t mean the MTV show). You go on an interview to be the Executive Assistant to the Vice-President. Here are some of the things you know about yourself:

1. You’re decent at keeping things somewhat organized.

2. You do pretty well following direction.

3. You tend to get along well with people around you.

Here’s how to PUMP UP THE VOLUME when you're SELLING yourself to someone:

1. “I really love to keep things organized and I’m obsessed with color-coding! My co-workers tease me because I have everything labeled, time-stamped and filed alphabetically, but my boss said she’s so grateful because because her last assistant was a mess!”

2. “Everywhere I go I take my little notepad just so I can write down everything that needs to be done and I’m ready whenever my boss throws out something she needs done.”

3. “Because I interact with all of the staff and everyone seems to respond well to me, I was put in charge of the Office Olympics. They really needed to have someone who could rally the troops and get everyone excited. They call me the "Office Cheerleader."

Cheesy, OK, but hopefully you get the idea. All of these things must be grounded in some degree of truth. You can't say you were called the "office cheerleader" if you are an introvert. You just need to pull out little compliments like this and build a great story around it.

Now, if you like color-coding, but haven't really made a great effort to do it at work, you'll do it NOW! If you keep a notepad in your bag and sometimes forget to take it out, you'll remember to use it NOW! It's all by degree. There MUST be a degree of truth in what you're saying because ultimately you're going to have to walk-the-walk or your ass'll be fired!

One of the big tricks you'll notice is that I'm encouraging you to use OTHER PEOPLE to say the really great stuff so you don't have to! Check it out: "...my boss said she's so grateful..." "They call me the office cheerleader." "My colleagues tease me [because I have everything so well-organized]." Get it?!

1. Think about three strengths you have that you can emphasize to make an IMPACT.

2. What has a co-worker, boss, client said about you?(preferably something positive ;-)

3. What stories can you weave around these strengths and quotes?

MORAL: All of this takes thought and work. Take the time and you can make an impact. Make an impact and you can get whatever it is you want.

HOW TO SURVIVE AN INTERROGATION -- ahem -- I MEAN INTERVIEW

Here’s a brilliant observation from a Reluctant Genius out there. He just told me this story about a second interview he went on today and, despite being a little rattled during and after the meeting, he was able to step away from it and recognize what it was all about. He sooooo nailed it, and I wanted to share it with you.

Here’s the basic story: Brian (pseudo) is going for a job he’s BEYOND qualified for, and he knows it. Rather, he knew it. That was until his original interviewers brought him back for a second meeting and stationed five extra people in the room to stare at him while one-by-one they smugly pummeled him with inane questions and what if scenarios.

Be prepared: This happens all the time. It’s a trick of intimidation, and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, don’t worry, it will. Pay attention to what it’s all about, so you don’t get freaked out when it does happen.

Lemme back up a bit. The job he's going after is for a TV show that I can almost guarantee you’ve never heard of. I can’t mention it here, because this town is toooo small, but suffice it to say, as “Grow it & Mow it” is to “Martha Stewart,” this show is to “Extreme Home Makeover.” You got me? Anyway, it’s been around for a while and the pay is about as low as it can be for this type of work, position and responsibility. But that doesn’t stop those who are interviewing poor interviewees, like Brian, from scrutinizing them as though they’re applying for a top job at The Hague.

So Reluctant Genius, Brian, had gone into the first meeting with confidence. (Bear in mind, he’s overqualified and carries a very impressive resume with huge network credits and fabulous references.) He met with a couple of people at the top of the company and felt unusually comfortable, and by the end of this seemingly successful meeting, he was pretty sure he had it in the bag. Then, the next day – SURPRISE! -- they called him back for a second interview. He returns, and that once comfortable office (in which he once exuded such self-confidence) has been secretly transformed into an interrogation chamber complete with suspecting-looking employees, a spotlight, water, and extension cords. Yes, a bit of hyperbole, but when you’re the one walking in to see a group of new people prepared to cross-examine you, that’s damned well what it looks like. And when that happened to Brian, his self-confidence high-tailed it out the door.

DON’T BE FOOLED BY THIS FORM OF INTERVIEWING TORTURE.
IT’S A TRICK!
I KNOW. I’VE DONE IT.

OK, here’s the deal: Whether these “interviewers” know it or not, and early-on in my career, I didn't, this is a trick of intimidation that begins with their own overblown sense of self-importance. For all of them, whether they’re the top managers or the secretary, they need FOR YOU to believe what they have made themselves believe: That this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET and they’re going to take this hiring VERY SERIOUSLY because when one is DEALING WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET one can never be TOO CAUTIOUS because there is no one out there AS SMART OR TALENTED AS THEY ARE and they just need to see if you can be even 1/5 AS BRILLIANT AS THEY HAVE CONVINCED THEMSELVES THEY ARE. Simple.

If you can remember that 99% of the managers out there are operating first from a place of PANIC about their MOST IMPORTANT JOB ON THE PLANET, then you’ll understand them a bit more and, hopefully, you’ll even have some empathy. They are panicked because they have a gun at their head and if they (meaning YOU) don’t perform, they’re splat out on the pavement.

So go in and don’t be intimidated. Instead, walk in proudly with a sense of understanding and empathy. Look at them and gently tilt your head to one side, smile that little understanding smile, and say (to yourself, please), “Awwwww. You must be so scared. You’re making so much money and while you appear to be all puffed up with ego, you’re really puffed up with panic. And all of these idiots surrounding you are panicked, too. This must be so hard for all of you.” Then go on and tell them how you’re going to bring all of your big-ass experience into their company and do a great job because you, too, believe that this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET.

POST-SCRIPT: Brian, who I must give credit to for unraveling the methods (and psychoses) behind this madness, is still waiting to see if they offer him the job. If they do, he has to tackle the $$$ issue. If they don’t, they’re dumb. I’ll get to negotiating money in an upcoming post. Stay tuned…..

WHEN IN DOUBT, GO BALLS OUT.

Here’s the true story of how I got my first big producing job on a network show. It combines the art of bullshit along with an unorthodox plea of desperation.

I had been in “the biz” for a little more than two years, and I had worked my way up from a low-level researcher to a segment producer on an ABC-TV’s “The Home Show.” One of my bosses at the time had defected for another new show called “Leeza,” a one-hour daytime talk show for NBC. It was a big deal. There were only about six producers who would be hired, and she thought I could be one of them. I didn’t. You’re joking, I thought. I had never written and produced a one-hour show before, and I was in no way qualified for the job. I had only done six-minute segments on cooking rump roast and buying the perfect glue gun, so there was clearly NO WAY I could handle heady topics and all of the production involved in carrying my own 1-hour show! Well, if she’s that stupid to recommend me, I decided to humor her and play along.

Because of her referral, I was quickly granted a meeting with the executive in charge of production, but it was that typical cookie-cutter ordeal. Blah, blah, blah. I left feeling like I just wasted a perfectly good hour of my life.

But something was happening; my own bullshitting was having an affect on me. I was convincing myself that this wasn’t out of reach. I was going to get this damned job.

The receptionist at the time, who has since become one of my best friends, still remembers all of my follow-up calls after my initial interview. “It’s that little, perky person, Tracy Mazuer, again,” she would say to her boss with sarcasm and exhaustion. “Tell her I’m not available,” the executive in charge would reply.

Between my cheerfully annoying phone calls and my old boss’s recommendation, I somehow ended up sitting in the executive producer’s office. I was terrified. I was going to be sooooo busted for my bullshit and I’d have to slink out of there with my head held in shame. But that didn’t happen. Instead this 6’6” lumbering executive producer spent my entire interview kicked back in his fancy chair reading Variety while I rambled on about how qualified I was. He didn’t hear a damned word of bullshit I said! He thanked me and escorted me out the door.

Undaunted, I began to cheerfully terrorize that receptionist again. I’m following up. Just wanted to check in. Has any decision been made? Somehow, I ended up back in the executive producer’s office having ANOTHER interview spouting the same bullshit all over again. He placed his hands on his desk, and I thought: Oh no! This son-of-a-bitch is gonna stand his huge ass up and say thank you and escort all 5”2” of me out the door. He did. He stood up, went to the door and said,

“Thanks, we’ll be making a decision soon.”

I didn’t leave my chair. “I’m not leaving without this job,” I said calmly with a grin.

He smiled and repeated himself, “Thanks, Tracy, we’ll be making a decision soon. We’ll let you know.”

“Look,” I said, and I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth next. This is what I managed to vomit up: “Here’s the deal: I’ve come in THREE times to get this job. I have no more nice clothes to wear and if you call me back for another interview, I’m screwed. This is it. My last outfit. I can’t leave without the gig.”

He smiled and dragged out the words, “Goooooodbyyyyyyyye, Traaaaaaacyyyyyyyyy.”

I left.

I got the job.

A few years later, I was promoted to supervising producer.

Sometime after that, I was fired.

Moral: When you have nothing to lose, go balls out – they’ll often appreciate your enthusiasm and your perseverance. Obviously, don’t be rude. Do it with a wink and you can get away with just about anything! Then, try not to get fired.

THE AUDACITY OF KICKING ASS

Before I got into television I had worked in Kansas City as a promotion director for the biggest rock station there (you know, Zepplin, Bowie, Stones) and then the biggest cheesy music station in the market (Bolton, Loggins, Cher). I went from super cool KY102 “We Rock Kansas City” to KUDL (yes, that reads “cuddle”), but I was working my way up the corporate ladder – unfortunately, there were only two rungs to climb and within a few years I was at the top looking down about three feet. What I had always wanted, though, was to be a TV producer-director like my dad who lived in NYC. I wanted to ditch radio and the stoner, male chauvinist pigs I worked for and head to TV (Ha! If I knew then what I know now – anyway, I digress). In Kansas City, though, I couldn’t get a job in TV to save my life. I had all the contacts – even very close friends there in TV, but everyone I spoke to had at least one of the following two objections:

1. YOU DON’T HAVE A DEGREE IN BROADCAST TV. No, I didn’t and still don’t. I have a degree in Journalism. It’s not like I have an 8th grade education for Christ’s sake and this is the 25th market in the country -- it ain’t 60-Minutes, folks.

2. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE THE LEAP FROM RADIO TO TV. NO ONE WILL HIRE YOU. Gee, thanks for your time and the pep talk.

So, here I am in the land of OZ and “qualified, properly-degreed executives” are telling me that I don’t have the appropriate background or credentials to be hired at their piddly-ass little affiliates. So, you know what I did? I tacitly told them to fuck off and I went straight to ABC-TV smack dab in the center of Hollywood, got my first gig, worked my ass off, made no money, got my teeth kicked in, climbed my way 100 rungs up the ladder, worked for pigs, worked for great people, made a bunch of amazing friends, ultimately made a bunch of money, got a bunch of credits, an agent, and four Emmy nominations. I WENT AND DID EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID I COULDN’T DO.

Here’s the thumb-nail sketch of the beginning of this journey:

I set up interviews or meet-n-greets (a great way in!) with 15 different entities over a one-week period in Los Angeles – it was a combo of radio and TV meetings – I was going to cover all bases just to get out here. I knew I’d eventually make THE NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN LEAP TO TV!

When I came to interview, I told my interviewers that “yes” I could do whatever it was they were asking if I could do. For my TV interviews I was bullshitting; I HADN’T DONE IT, but I COULD DO IT and I knew I could figure it out before they had time to bust me for being an imposter (another subject we’ll tackle more of later). I have the brains and fortitude to figure out anything I want to figure out. If I had to secretly take classes on the side to learn, I would; if I had to read more books, work longer hours, find mentors, I would. I’d do whatever it would take for me to excel in this area. On several interviews, I was asked to submit “pitches” for show ideas. I freaked. I had no idea how to write them, what to do. Granted, I had my dad who could help me, so I relied on him to guide me. (There’s always someone out there who can guide you and teach you! Just find ‘em!) I worked so damned hard on those pitches. I scrutinized everything – my ideas, my writing, the typeface, the titles, every little detail was the most important detail ever. I sent in my pitches to Fred Roggin who had a sports show on some network and to ABC’s The Home Show (a 90-minute, live national program with Gary Collins and Sarah Purcell. Remember that one?). That’s the one I wanted. That’s the one I got. They hired me for 6-weeks; six weeks at the bottom rung of a seemingly endless ladder.

With my hubby’s support, I left my full-time radio gig with full benefits for a 6-week TV gig. I turned that 6-week gig into a 2 ½ year gig. The rest is a history I’ll continue to share in upcoming posts.

MORAL: When someone says you can’t do something, get pissed off and go do it.

BEFORE AN INTERVIEW READ THIS!

I've been asked hundreds of job-related questions over the years, but most of you are complete stress bags (and, frankly, clueless) about interviewing and closing the deal. For those of you in the entertainment world, you need to be looking for work as often as you fill your car with gas. If you're not in entertainment and not looking for work as often as you fill-up, YOU SHOULD BE! With today's economic state, you need to cover your proverbial booty! Today we’ll start with PART ONE OF INTERVIEW HELL. If you don’t interview well, you won’t get the gig. Duh.

Here are the top 11 ways you screw up your interviews:

* You don't ACT* like you want this job more than anything in the world!

• You don't know about the person you're meeting with AND IT SHOWS!

* You don't care about (or like) the person you're interviewing with AND IT SHOWS!

* You're clueless about the position you're interviewing for AND IT SHOWS!

* You say, "No, I don't have any questions," when asked if you have any questions! Aaaarghh!

* You don't humbly brag* about your past achievements!

* You don't weave in examples of work you've done in the past that APPLIES to this position!

* You believe that you should just act like yourself and that will be enough. Ha!

* You are a booooooring interviewee!

* You don't tell them POINT BLANK WHY YOU’RE THE ABSOLUTE BEST PERSON FOR THIS JOB!


And if all of these issues aren't bad enough, the #1 reason you screw up the interview:

You don't FOLLOW-UP – not even with a thank you card -- and you still believe they'll call you if they want to hire you! Are you kidding? This is where I want to reach through this screen, berate you for being an idiot, and then drag you by your hair to the nearest unemployment office!

In the interest of blogging brevity, I'm going to try to sum up how to get it together and stop doing whatever it is doing (or not doing) that's getting in the way of you and that job. More will be covered in follow-up blogs and my book, but if you’re in crisis mode and need immediate help, email me at tmazuer@gmail.com and I can consult you through your personal process.

In the meantime, here are the basics. Think about all this stuff BEFORE EVERY INTERVIEW (better yet, write it all down):

Know the job responsibilities and what type of person they're looking for to fill this position. Is this a new position or would you be replacing someone? What are the responsibilities?

Show that you care by having researched the product, company, or situation. For entertainment peeps, what’s the show? If they say it’s “confidential,” see if they’ll at least tell you if it’s reality, documentary, scripted, etc… You must have some idea of what you’re walking into so you can be prepared!

And here’s a big one:
*ACT like you want the job more than anything else in the world! If you don’t honestly believe that having this job would be your nirvana, then BULLSHIT your way through! You must make them believe that you think this is the best gig with the most talented people on the planet! Let them think you would cluck like a chicken in full feathers down 42nd Street singing their theme song if it meant you could have the opportunity to work on THIS PROJECT with THEM.

Remember, they believe themselves to be brilliant and their projects are a reflection of their egos. Make them feel like the kings and queens they believe themselves to be.

TRUST ME THAT ENTHUSIASM SELLS! It’s how I got the job as Co-Executive Producer on the top-rated NBC show, The Biggest Loser. I was freaking excited! I told them how excited I was! I showed it. I smiled. I knew the product. I had ideas. The TRUTH was, I wanted the job because it was 3 minutes away from my home (and in LA that’s impossible)! That was the TRUTH, but the BULLSHIT was that I thought it was the greatest show ever produced.

But even if you have to bullshit to get the job, you'd better kick ass while DOING the job. That's the key to getting your next one. Duh.

MORAL: Don't go in half-assed to any meeting. Do the work to get the job.