My statisticians have just released a new report that states: If you’re in a creative field you are a PEOPLE PLEASER. When I argued that a 100% guarantee seemed a bit much and that there must be a margin of error, say minus 20%, they were adamant (and, frankly, downright snarky) declaring that they are 100% certain that 100% of all creatives are PEOPLE PLEASERS. Even my arguments about Van Gogh, Freida and Cobain did nothing to penetrate their defense. So, there you have it. I can argue no more. They are, after all, the experts.
They went on to say that 67.67% of these PEOPLE PLEASERS are of the EXTREME variety (again, they permit no margin of error). They are those who will jump higher, run faster all while juggling fire and gargling water, if need be. Which leads me to ask: Could this be YUUUUU?
“So what?” You say, with a defiant little tone. “I like to make people happy. When I do good work and get praise, that is good. When I don’t get praise, it makes me work harder. And then when I still don’t get praise, I work even harder and faster and better.”
“And what,” I respond, “happens to you when you’re harder, faster, better is never good enough because your boss is the type WHO CAN NEVER BE SATISFIED? What then?”
“Well then I feel terrible and worthless and I realize that I suck and am not worthy of this job – so, let me tell you, I make some big changes! I skip breakfast so I can get to work earlier, I skip the gym so I can work longer, I skip my friends so I can work without distraction, I skip dinner so I can work later. I KNOW I can get my boss to appreciate what I do and even thank me for it in the end! Just you watch!”
O.K. I think you can see where this is going. Down the tubes. YOU CAN’T SATISFY PEOPLE WHO CAN’T BE SATISFIED, and that’s a fact. You don’t have to be a genius to figure that one out, so stop freaking trying! Once you accept that fact, you can start living again. You can actually disengage your PEOPLE PLEASER command center and screw your head on straight!
You have to re-examine your situation and assess it for what it really is. If you’re in this rut of trying to please someone who can’t be pleased, then you have to realize that the only person you WILL be able to please is….you guessed it, YOU. Ask yourself these important questions:
1. Am I giving between 90%-100% of my work energy to this job? (That’s plenty)
2. Am I a good employee?
3. Am I gracious, generous and a team player?
4. Are my ideas thought through?
5. Did I meet all of the expectations that were ORIGINALLY set forth?
The word ORIGINALLY is important since PWCBP (People Who Can’t Be Pleased) often change the rules to make the game not winnable.
6. If I knew the deadlines or other criteria were unrealistic, did I express my concerns up front? Politely?
If you can honestly answer “yes” to ALL of these questions, then what in the hell else can you do? Nothing.
Do you honestly think that someone who can’t be satisfied, who sees you jumping higher and running faster will EVER ease the pressure? NO! They see you panicking and working MORE so they’re going to keep it up! THEY BELIEVE THEY’RE KEEPING YOU ON YOUR TOES AND YOU’RE PERFORMING LIKE THE GOOD DANCING POODLE THEY WANT YOU TO BE! (Ick!)
So how do you manage this nightmare of a boss who can’t be pleased? YOU DON’T. YOU MANAGE YOURSELF. Here’s how:
1. You manage to understand that you can do nothing to change his/her behavior or response to you and your work.
2. You manage to get up the courage to speak to your boss and politely share your concerns about his expectations. (Since it’s all case specific you can contact me and I’ll talk you through it. tmazuer@gmail.com)
3. You manage to take pride in your work despite her bad behavior.
4. You manage to realize that the problem is HER not YOU.
5. You manage to STOP searching for praise and begging for attention.
6. You manage to realize you’re a person, not a puppy. You just don’t need your boss to love you that much.
7. You manage to hold your head high and remember that you’re a peer, not a peon. (Click to read more on being a peer, not a peon.)
A note on The Reluctant Genius’s argumentative statisticians: Ummmmm….they exist only in my head.
Saturday
The EXTREME People Pleasing Personality Disorder
"Tracy Mazuer's advice and guidance not only helped me to overcome my fears of asking for what I want (and become successful at getting it); she also helped me to realize the true value of my worth to the creative world! After consulting with "The Reluctant Genius", I landed more meetings, got my ideas more streamlined, and most importantly learned the sacred art of kicking ass! She is a rockstar in the consulting world! I would recommend "The Reluctant Genius" to anyone who is looking to get what they want!" --Johnny Appleseed (aka Shawn Colin Young)
"Tracy Mazuer's genius has saved me from many heartaches and headaches. I was reluctant to be as bold as I am in business until I started working with Tracy. She helped me take what I learned in the independent world and bring it to a larger audience. Tracy is part of the genius behind the creation of Stirring Up Trouble! If you are ready to go to the next level (no matter what level you're at) then you must consult with 'The Reluctant Genius' I don't know what I would have done without her!" -filmmaker, writer and host of Stirring Up Trouble
